ATC.
I guess many will be blog hopping to read about atc. I just did.
I dont know where to start and what to say. Since everyone else's posts are so long, i shall keep mine short and boring.

First day of camp, everything felt so slow and wrong. People walking, talking (not about guides), looking very blur. Second day of camp, better than the first, but there's still lots of room for improvement. Last day of camp, i think everything slowed down again. Except for mystery games.

Throughout the whole camp, i think we said kaolong and duijiao at least a hundred times. Not exaggerating. Isnt it something everyone should have known even before the camp? How many jihes have we had alr?

Campfire. All i can say is, im so sorry.

I tried remembering what kimberley, shien and fiona did. And i tried to do the same. From what i can remember, they were really nice during patrol corners, scary at all the right times, and we still respected them. I remembered fiona being the source of comfort during nightgames, when everyone around us were acting. I remembered kimberley encouraging us (or me, since i was really scared) during camp d. I wonder if the juniors will remember us, or feel the same way we did. I mean, the seniors were so nice, yet we respected them, not treat them like they were in our level. Is it any different for us? Didnt it apply for us?

Something i remember reading from the guides blog:

Heyy.. pltc just ended... learnt alot really. somethings so intangible... but once you understand it, understand the mission and its beliefs, you become part of it. and then the tiredness and pain and muscle crams just fade to the background. the pain gives you strength to move on... and u know that every single moment living this belief you are happy. you run even when you're out of breath because there's Hua Zhou you dont want to let down. it's not about meeting the appointed time anymore; it's about upliving and upholding the beliefs. you dont care about pushing yourself to ur limits because it's not about you that you are working for. it's about everyone else, because everyone works for everyone else and not themsevles too. and then you cry in the night, under that dark dark sky... and ur vision blurs..but you still see the stars shining up there... and you know how you dont want it to end... despite how u r so tired u can sleep while standing... but u listen on.. to what Hua Feng has to say... and then the tears keep coming and then u realise how everything works. and then u know. u grow. and u learn. u run not because u have to prove that you are working hard. u run not because ur seniors are watching you and will pump you if you dont. u run not because that's what everyone is doing and you dont want to lag behind any of them. No. u run because you know if you dont, then somebody else will have to run the extra for u. u run because you know you dont want him or her to have to run for your slack. u run because u love all ur brothers/sisters, and it darn hurts to make them do ur shit for you. u run because u know how much ur seniors and all the others who have been running their lives out during evac love you. u run because u r loved. and love...

so u run. and then after u run, u get so overwhelmed. not with tiredness... tiredness is secondary. but u realise how much strength there is behind all this. when all of you run together... feel pain together and through this pain, smile together. it's brotherhood and sisterhood altogether.

that's why on that night, i understood alot of things. as i sat there, just listening to Hua Feng talk. seriously, i was really going to fall asleep... but i just listened. and every single word made sense. it resonated off me and melted away everything else. it was just the words... i dont even know what they are... too tired to be really concentrating... but he said we did well. that he was proud of us. and then the tears poured down. like a fountain. he said he let us sleep till 8 in the morning... and then, everything was suddenly worth it...

GUides no longer was a cca. it was a movement. a set of beliefs. a mission. and each and everyone of us belonged to it... a legacy.

and after this pltc, we sec3s would be the ones upliving and upholding this legacy. we have promised to do well, and regardless of all the obstacles, we will work hard to try to lead. because it's not easy being a leader. but there's the burden of responsibility. it's no good just being seh individually. no. u must be able to lead others....

leaders, can only truly be leaders, if they lead others to become leaders.

i know graduation is going to hurt. thinking abt it right now hurts anyway... leaders have trained 0thers to become leaders, and after that.. they just graduate away. but they'd never leave us... we still see them inside us.. in the songs we sing, the traditions we keep... because it's a movement. they were already internalised in it, and no one would forget them. this gang of seh big and young brothers and sisters who were always there to help us. to force us to smile when we were already died tired. to pour us honey-water to drink before the campfire began. to say good luck before our pltc started. to make good luck wishes with scraps of aluminum foil on the ground. to tell us their bedtime stories, titled from the book of debriefing, everynight before we go to bed....

I know i've quoted this before, but its a really good post. Ignoring the parts about pltc, this is the attitude all trainees should have. You run not because we will scold you if you dont, but because EVERYONE ELSE IS RUNNING WITH YOU. This post has been a source of inspiration and encouragement for me, so i hope it'll do the same for everyone else. Anyway, go read the previous posts in the guides blog.

I slept for 20hours ._.